I’ve got 52 pies (poem)

I’ve got 52 pies, but Cornish pasty ain’t one

I got sausage rolls

To achieve my pastry goals

I’ve got meat and potato for breakfast

Making my stomach vast

I’ve got meat pies for lunch

Don’t know what kind, but I’ll munch

Cheese and Onion for tea

But the taste is not for me

Steak and Kidney

I’m never going to be skinny

Not with these 52 pies

Making my belly bigger than my eyes

They say you are what you eat

So I’m savoury, not sweet

It’s not that I don’t care

I’d offer to share

But I don’t think you’re ready for these pies

Or what they’ll do to your thighs



Reading In Bed 3

The third podcast is now online.

I really enjoyed recording this one, and between me and Andy we had five books to review, so this is a much longer podcast than the first two.

We discussed whether sequels of successful books were just milking their success, if being solely in the protagonist’s head for an entire book can work and Andy talked about the read a book he read, which was published pre Benjamin Button, but contained a lot of similarities.

To hear all of the above and more, please have a listen and let us know what you think. Also, if you think either one of us might enjoy your book, please get in touch and we might be able to review it on a future podcast.


The books we reviewed this month are:

Still me by Jojo Moyes

If I Die Before I wake by Emily Koch

The Book of Illusions by Paul Auster

La Belle Sauvage (Book of Dust 1) by Philip Pullman

I Haven’t Dreamed of Flying For a While by Taichi Yamada




A new podcast and free or discounted books


First of all I’ve started a new podcast with my partner. We review and discuss books which we’ve read. This month we read Nightmare Realities by Amanda J Evans, Queen and Country by Greg Rucka and Things We Never Said by Nick Alexander.

To find out what we thought of them, check out the podcast.


My other piece of news is that I’m planning to unpublish my novels and novellas (or at least start the process) at the end of this month (January 2018).

That means these books may never see the light of day again, or they may get taken on by a publisher.

I’m running various offers before then. The Kindle versions of some of my books will be free or reduced.

I’ll be posting these offers on my Facebook and Twitter, so like/follow me to find out more.



Your first Christmas in heaven (poem)

pic poem

If there’s a heaven

Tailor made to each of us

You’ll be in yours

Winding all the angels up

With just one more Christmas decoration

A light up Santa, or an inflatable snowman

Until your house up there

Begins to look like Lapland


In your own personal heaven

You’ll never leave the house without a spoon

In case you find discounted ice cream

And because it’s heaven

You’ll always find it

Or boxes of Maltesers

And sharing bags of crisps

That you don’t have to share


You’ll be decorating the clouds

With those outdoor lights

You used to put on the tree in the garden

And the angels will all roll their eyes

But you’ll smile proudly

Because nothing says Christmas

Like a million multi coloured lights

And angels covered in tinsel


If you choose to look down at us

You’ll probably think we’re doing it all wrong

The turkey’s smaller, the potatoes lumpier

The sprouts might not have those little crosses

You always insisted helped them to cook

And it won’t compare to yours

But we’ll be thinking about you

I hope the angels enjoy your cooking now

Benefit (poem)


To work for thirty hours a week

For what equals way below minimum wage

Every other available hour, told to job seek

Told I’m lazy, if it sends me into a rage

It’s for my benefit


No, we can’t let you do a college course

Or anything else to better yourself

Told that forced unpaid labour will open doors

That it will improve my mental health

It’s for my benefit


If I want to pursue any kind of career

I have to do that at my leisure

While living a life of threats and fear

I should act like this slavery is a pleasure

It’s for my benefit


Will this lead to a paid job?

No, we can’t afford to pay you

Be quiet and shut your gob

You know its true

It’s for your benefit


Then what’s the point please?

Stop being so rude

Stay where you belong, on your knees

All this talk of payment is just crude

Especially when it’s for your benefit


But I only want to earn a wage

And pay my way in life

Get back into your metaphorical cage

You’re clearly lacking motivation and drive

We’re only doing this for your benefit


We don’t appreciate this unwillingness to work for pittance

Asking why you can’t be paid fairly

Requesting to be given a chance

You’re getting by, barely

All of this is for your benefit


The taxpayers need someone to blame

So we’ll just point at you

We know it’s an awful shame

But what else can we do?

It’s for their benefit


You can’t expect us to enforce a fairer tax

Instead, we’ll send you to work for free

For a organisation who’s rules we’ll relax

So they’ll pay less tax than you or me

It’s for their benefit


Blaming the poor, punishing the sick and disabled

Enslaving the jobless and removing real opportunities

When will people start to see

None of it is for our benefit?

It’s all for their benefit.

End times (poem)

endof earth

This is the last in my series. I hope you enjoyed reading these poems.

If you missed any, the links are below (in order).














Aliens living peacefully as human

Were forced out of their homes

War was declared

It was us against them

The media said they would destroy Earth

In the end, we did that ourselves

Rockets were fired

Bombs were dropped

Explosions rippled across the world

We killed millions of our own

To defeat a few hundred aliens

Who were never a threat to start with

Lila, in her rage killed

Nearly everyone else

Their fear of her and others

From other planets

Sparked violence

By then Lila was only too happy

To retaliate in kind

When she set off to travel

Through time and space

Her soul was pure

Now it’s tainted with blood

On her hands, soaking though

Right down to her core

Becoming the most feared creature

Among us, the last few survivors

We were never the ones

To break her heart, record her humiliation

Destroy her life or kill the ones she loved

But we were never the ones to speak up

We created a monster (poem)


This the twelfth in my poetry series.

Here are the usual links to catch up on the rest of the poems, if you haven’t already













Dead soldiers lay on the ground

Their heads exploded

Their brains on show

So they did have brains

But did they have hearts?

Lila cut into them to find out

She smiled bitterly

Knowing that even monsters

Had hearts, but didn’t use them

She was the monster now

The thing to be feared

No longer held back by her own heart

Lila got herself a small screen

And used it to call Jay

Claiming to be ready

To give herself up

As long as he promised

She wouldn’t be harmed

Jay didn’t keep his word

But neither did Lila

She faced Jay and his friends

As they aimed their guns at her

And she killed them all

Saving Jay for last

The peace Lila felt didn’t last long

When big screens and small voice boxes

Began to alert the public

That this was an invasion

Forced tests were introduced on everyone

Resulting in aliens being discovered