A Letter from my Bathroom Scales

Dear Amanda, this is Wayne from Bathroom Scales

I am writing to inform you that you may have being misinformed. All calories consumed in December do in fact count and will be added to your BMI

According to your statement, you owe your body two miles of running for every two sausages consumed at breakfast, two miles for the bacon and one for the scrambled eggs. The various biscuits, cakes and chocolates can be paid off in a series of walks. As for the Baileys consumption and the numerous takeaways, these will remain on your hips and buttocks forever. It doesn’t matter if you swim the channel, run 100 marathons in 100 days, or walk the world. These are now a part of you and will remain so until the day you die.

You can and should at least try to get rid of some of the weight caused by the excessive intake of food though. However, it is unlikely that you see a significant loss in time for next Christmas when it starts all over again, and don’t even get me started on all the ice cream you’re going to eat this summer.

Signed

Wayne Scales