How to tell if she loves you (poem)

This was inspired by a woman who was sat on the tram, ranting on the phone to her (ex?) boyfriend. After hurling insults at him, he must have asked if she loved him, because she responded that she didn’t and went onto hurl more insults at the poor guy.

How to tell if she loves you

If she tells you to get lost

But less politely than that

It could be a sign

That she doesn’t love you


If she says you’re a mess

And calls you names

That can’t be repeated pre-watershed

She might not love you


If she threatens to set her family onto you

And says she’ll send them

To your door, to smash your face in

She’s probably fallen out of love


If she screams about how

She wants to cut you up

And send the tiny pieces

Back home to your family


She really doesn’t love you

In fact, she’s insane

And you should probably run now

Just get out and save yourself


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